Second Born Syndrome – Kalel finding himself

Bae and I had our kids back-to-back, so the boys are only 20 months apart. (No. This wasn’t an accident). We wanted our kids to be best friends, and we knew that having two children close in age would help with this. However, we never considered Second Born Syndrome.


Second Born Syndrome happens (you know) after the first one is born. This kid struggles to find a sense of self because they are always comparing themselves to their siblings.


Kalel struggles with second born syndrome because he copies everything that big brother does. “Trying to keep up” ultimately inhibits his learning.

Kairo is more likely to mimic my actions, but Kal-Kal loves watching and mirroring his brother. Sometimes this can be great, but at times, I wonder if he struggles to discover who he is.

Refusing the journey

I’m big on experiencing “The Journey” in life. I feel that people often rush through their younger days, trying to keep up with someone else. Most recently, one of my favorite students (Hi, Jazz), told me about the frustration she felt after being benched on her volleyball team. She is a freshman that got bumped to the varsity team the second that she walked on campus. However, she doesn’t know how to manage the emotions that she feels when receiving no play time. I advised her to “learn from the journey” because growing or maturing is much more complicated when you try skipping steps.


Kairo eats at least two meals per day with a spoon. Now, Kalel also wants a spoon and he refuses help from mom and dad. He wants to do things on his own because that’s what big boys do.

Can big boys use spoons? Yes!

Can Kalel use a spoon? No!

This guy practically throws food on the floor when he eats. If his meal involves a spoon, mom and dad know that Kali will be hungry thirty minutes after the meal because nothing gets in his tiny belly.

Kalel is in a race to grow up. This is why he ended up falling down the stairs. (The little guy thought he could just walk down like big bro). I really need this kid to slow down a few notches.

Why I’m not worried

Kalel is one of the most amazing kids you will ever meet. I can’t think that he will lose his identity because he is so dynamic. Yes, he wants to be the second Kairo. And yes, he would be a completely different kid without his brother. But I would love to be a different person because I had such a great brother, and I can tell that Kalel wouldn’t trade the love that he has for his brother for anything or anyone in the world.

Kalel is a kid that loves to dance. If you play a song, he will get that tushy popping.

He needs to play every five minutes. Kalel can’t go ten minutes without laughing, so be ready to play.

He is pure awesomeness and I love him. Somehow, this one child changed our entire family. So I guess he doesn’t have Second Child Syndrome. We do, and I’m happy for it.

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