The Cool

I’m a nerd by choice. I love science and technology. I read random articles on the state of the economy and MJ telling Kobe that he’s still the man, but Kobe’s not far off. Manga and I are best buds. Plus, I talk about Hip-Hop with friends as though it were a collegiate discussion. Nerd.

Though I’m known to sound like a dork occasionally, I still know how to sound “natural.” Let me take it a step further to offend some people, I can sound normal.

Why’d I have to take it there? Because there is a way to sound normal regardless of what your hippie-liberal class mentioned in college. Don’t believe me?

Thou art under the impression that political correctness must not confuse thy reader.

That sound normal to you? How about this?

Deep within the caves of my heart, I know the truth and that truth be reality. Please, avoid assuming that I am ignorant. I am just. This is right.

And that garbage is not normal in today’s society, but it’s what I see in a crap load of novels I read. When I pick up a book, I look forward to seeing something based in reality. It doesn’t have to be the world, the time, or the way of thinking, but it better be the language.

Someone tell me why I’m reading books written in 2011 that still sound like two Jedi masters holding a conversation! Even worse, why is it in a romance?

I’m going to take it a step further again, why do I meet people in the real world that talk like this?

Maybe you’re more of a nerd than me. I was born and raised in some seriously bad neighborhoods where slang was practiced more than English.

But if I can still speak proper English, to a certain degree, why can’t a geek sound normal?

If you want to make your novel or your everyday conversation sound normal, even if you want to meet new people and stop being stuck behind a computer having fantasies about your anime babes, study culture.

In 2011, we are sarcastic, emo, rude, comedic, and know it all jerks. Watch SNL and mimic their jokes. Try sparking a conversation how Vin Diesel would. Copy the mannerisms of Beyonce. Add some swag in your life like Trey Songz. Study the pop culture of Paramore, Katy Perry, Adele, or Justin Bieber–if you’re desperate. Don’t try too hard, but try to sound natural when you do this.

Whatever it is that you do, please stop writing and speaking in a way that bores the hell out of me. If you want to sell books or make friends, sound casual and be funny occasionally. If you want your novel to stay at the bottom ranks of Amazon and you never want a girlfriend, continue to mimic Mulan and other fairy tale characters.

Note: Though I am a writer, this is from the perspective of a reader.

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