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Why ‘Self-Helps’ Don’t Help (Part 2)

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Review

In yesterday’s post, I decided to expose the “psychic nature” of Self-Helps. In other words, I expressed reasons why Self-Helps don’t work.

Today, I want to give specific examples. I’d like to compare real life situations to Self-Help genres.

Why ‘Self-Helps’ Don’t Help

Relationships

Let’s start with the numero uno, grand champion of failing Self-Helps. First thing to note in Amazon’s genre filter: Relationship books aren’t even listed under Self-Help. They’re hidden. The smart people at Amazon know that if you’re looking for a novel about being a better relationshiper, the last thing you want to do is click on Self-Help. So, they filter the novels through a long list of clicks. Actually, you have to click on ‘Health, Fitness, and Dieting’ just to get to Marriage. Yes. I’m serious. You actually have to go through a category that has nothing to do with fat Americans in order to learn about ‘Marriage’ or ‘Love & Romance’.

But what happens when you get to those novels? What do they say?

Well, the titles for Love & Romance are as follows:

  1. Get the Guy
  2. Make Him Beg
  3. The Power of the Pussy (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. There’s a cat on the cover).
  4. Why Men Love Bitches

9781477544587_p0_v1_s260x420Yes. Those are the top sellers. And who, might you say, are these books marketed to? Drum roll please…women…I mean bitches…I mean pussies…yeah! That’s what I mean.

‘Marriage’ novels are more hidden behind their titles. Because marriage often involves two people and normal relationships are mostly about egotistical women, Marriage Self-Helps seem gender neutral until you read the author’s name. Just like most of the Romance books, they’re written by men.

Thought I’d say women? Gosh no. These things are written by men that know how fragile a woman’s mind can be, so they insert erected text and screw the mind of your significant other. It’s called infidelity!

Getting to the Point…Finally

Romance novels are a dime a dozen. They say the exact same thing in every book. Mostly, that involves reasons why women are presently single and what they have to do in order to get men. Marriage books do something similar. They tell women why the communication in the relationship is weak, and what strengthens it. However, I can give you the summary of every book right now to save you time and money:

  • You are the problem
  • To fix your relationship or marriage you must fix yourself first
  • To do that, reinforce yourself with positive thoughts (thoughts that will benefit your mate)
  • Tell yourself you’re sexy, workout, eat right, don’t be desperate, and guard/liberate your heart (depending on marriage or relationship status)
  • Communicate and express yourself verbally

If you’ve read these books before, tell me that I didn’t hit the nail on the head! Tell me I’m not right. I dare you.

These books are telling you to expose and hide yourself. They want you to be sexy (such an ambiguous word). They want you to feel free. They want you believe that you want these things, but none of it will improve your relationships or marriage.

men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venusWhy? Because men are from Earth and women are too. After you’ve taken your imaginary trips to Mars and Venus, you have to settle down in reality, but these books place you on cloud nine. They make you think there is a common solution to your problem, you. But they don’t really tell you that you’re just a fuck up, and there is no solution because you keep looking outward for advice.

Want my advice? Stop fucking up.

All you have to do to improve your relationship or marriage is do something different. Experiment with pleasing your mate and document what makes them angry or happy. Review your research weekly and adjust accordingly.

If they won’t communicate with you, then you need to learn how to communicate. Communication involves more than words, it includes body language and non-verbal cues. If you are an active lover, read into those cues and change. Otherwise, you’ll stay who you are.

Parenting

Don’t get me started on this crap. How the hell are you going to listen to parenting advice from someone you don’t know? You could be reading a book about kids that shot up an elementary school. These parents can be raising the next Hitler, and here you are downloading a book and trying your best new technique.

never_7f2fae_212781Parenting books are the most retarded (retarded means slow or developmentally delayed and is politically correct if used in the proper context) books alive. They are always behind the times, though they think their methods are successful.

You think a parenting book works for you? Okay. Ask your kid at 21 how they felt about it. If they say great, you’re an awesome parent. But if you need a more immediate check, let’s analyze their present actions. Have they ever said “I hate you, mom/dad”? Do your kids still throw tantrums? Are they silent, remain to themselves and look like a potential serial killer? In that case, I’m right and you’re wrong.

Summary

These books don’t work. Solution: Figure it out for yourself and stop wasting money, and if you bought one of these books for free, I’m laughing at you for reasons you will never understand.

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